Wasn't my own

I can't quite seem to get out of my own head now. My thoughts are swarming like a hive of angry bees. My amygdala overreacts uncontrollably,and my brain overloads. The subconscious mind breaks in half and delivers up to me a sacrifice. And I hear people screaming, and shouting, all at once. The weight of my guilt sinks into my chest and face and I collapse with fright. And none of this is even my own, and none of this even belongs to me. This pain, this guilt. And none of this is my business and I should be far gone by now. Yet I stay. like all the dying rest. And all my memory lies in rest. I could gather my senses and bring forth my tears but I'm raw, and I don't. I lie to myself again. I draw breath in search of hope for my dying soul yet more and more screaming floods over to me, coming to wreck my day. And it is just one day. I don't remember the last time I let it out.I haven't screamed in 5 days. The grief kept swaying and coming on to me like a tide. I wasn't ready for the next wave, still i braced myself for more. The hurt all kinds of hurts it was causing was something like that of an atomic bomb, it's rushing impact was needless to say devastating with casualties. In my mind I pictured myself as this rose wilting in the harsh winter. I tried to sing, but quickly get discouraged again and just listen to the hymn moving through the woods. If i can remember her tear streaked lips quivering in the wind.